Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Brand Spanking New Year

Well, at least I'm hoping for a spanking New year. I know that my husband is catching on to the idea. We've had a few hopeful discussions lately. However, realistically, we do have a major obstacle-our sweet daughter. Lately, it seems we have precious little time just to talk much less to do anything else! I know that other couples face this issue as well. What I don't know is what seems to work best. I wonder what other creative couples have done to handle this issue?

I am really looking forward to our 9th anniversary in February. I don't know where we will go, but I've been promised some uninterrupted, and hopefully not quiet, time for our anniversary. If we don't have the chance to get to spank before then, I have high hopes that we will have some play time then!

Oh, I do have a disciplinary spanking coming up-probably next week. Now that one, I'm NOT looking forward to. Punishment spanking just plain hurt, usually for days afterward, too.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Holiday Longings

The holidays are great for the most part. It is usually my favorite part of the year. Playing Santa for my daughter is so much fun! Her wish list grows longer each year.

Adults have wish lists as well, and nothing on my list would be in Santa's bag :) But this time of year is also very busy. There isn't much time for adults to play. So, I'm still holding on to my wish list. It will have to taken care of after the holidays. Oh, and my husband has his own wish list that I'm sure I can help with too.

My next spanking is getting closer. I just wonder if it will be a discipline spanking or something more "fun?"

Friday, December 19, 2008


Waiting for a spanking is harder than it seems. Sometimes, when I know I will be getting spanked in a short time, conflicting emotions threaten to burst forth at any moment. Of course, there is the part of anticipation that I enjoy-knowing I am going to be spanked and feel guilt free, at least for a while. But the subtle fear is there as well. Oh, I know my disciplinarian would never cause severe physical harm, but because I am putting myself in her hands (literally), I guess my nervousness centers around loss of control. And yet, that is exactly what I seek. As someone who is used to being in control, I love being able to have someone to take a little of the burden from me.

Now, I'm also really looking forward to the first , more erotic spanking that I will share with my husband. We've had a few discussions, and he seems to be coming around. I certainly hope so. Spanking has so many facets, and I would love to be able experience spanking in several capacities. I can say with absolute certainty, that while dear husband has not yet warmed my bottom, the discipline I've received has already helped our marriage. And he would be the first to agree!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

I've been perusing spanking blogs lately, and I'm really impressed with what is out there. In fact, I'm a little jealous. While nothing much on the spanking front is going on in my world, other people seem to getting just what they need-and more! I'm a couple of weeks away from seeing my disciplinarian, and that spanking will not be something to look forward to.

My dear husband and I have been so busy that I haven't had the time yet to sit down with him and tell him what I really need in our relationship. I keep thinking that we will get the time after the holidays, but I know I'll have to just make the time-it's that important to me. Luckily, I've found several sites and blogs that say much more eloquently than I can how some women feel about spanking in a marriage. I know my husband will be open to what I have to say, but I don't want him to be too uncomfortable. Has anyone else faced this problem? How did it work out?

Monday, December 8, 2008

Well, I've just heard from my disciplinarian again, and she isn't too pleased. For one thing, I was late with a promised email. And I've hit a wall with several other things as well. Looks like it time for session number two as soon as the holidays are over. While just thinking about it makes me nervous, I'm also really glad that someone is holding me accountable for my transgressions, big and small. One day, I hope it will be my husband. I am certainly not going to give up on a D/d relationship. In so many ways, I know my husband would be great as the leader of our household. I've seen a lot of changes in him this past year that seem to be leading him in that direction too. But, for now, I'm glad I have someone to provide discipline when the need arises. Well, I'm glad now, anyway. In the days and hours leading up to my next session, the trepidation will outweigh the guilt for a while, but the end result will be a clean slate, a new start. And each time, I am getting closer to being the person I really want to be.

Getting dear husband on board

So, I'm wondering how I can convince my husband that spanking can be a a very worthwhile part of our relationship. He's a very easy person to talk to, and he knows all about my spanking interests, including my blog. In fact, he is interested in reading it. Hmm, maybe that is a good way to get him on board.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Although I am new to spanking at this point in my life, I actually had my first adult spanking experience in college. Shortly after I transferred to a new university, I met another student who lived in my dorm. We just clicked as friends. From the beginning, I thought she was rather motherly for such a young girl (we were both in our early twenties). What I really admired about her was that she seemed to be so self-confident and goal-oriented. Having grown up in a family with in which disorganization and chaos was the norm, finding someone who seemed so different seemed appealing. Now, just to be clear, this was not a sexual attraction. Guys have always been my thing. But I wanted to be like her. One night, I got up the courage to ask her how she was so organized and did so well in school. She told me about her family life and how her parents were very loving but strict with discipline, especially spanking. My parents weren't spankers at all. She wanted to know if I had ever really had anyone to hold me accountable. Well, that was easy to answer-no! And I certainly hadn't come into the world with a great deal of self-discipline apparently. So, my friend asked me if I would be interested in being held accountable for my poor choices. Of course, my first question was, how? She suggested that we talk about what had happened during each day after dinner. If she felt that I had made a misguided choice or shown poor judgement, , then she would punish me just like her parents did. When it dawned on me what she meant, I was apprehensive at first. But, she was offering something that I knew I needed. And so, I was soon to learn what a real spanking was like.

The next day was a good one for me. I met with my friend, we talked, and then I went back to my room to study. Well, that was my intent anyway. On the way to my room, another friend asked me to go shopping with her. That sounded like a lot more fun than studying for a test. After all, my grade was good in this class, and I knew the material pretty well. So, I went shopping. Of course, I got back too late to study. However, I did well on the test,so no harm, right? Absolutely wrong, according to my friend the next night. She explained that over time, this pattern of behavior could really cause problems. (Is it any surprise that she is a clinical psychiatrist today?!) We were sitting on her bed, and abruptly, she stood up and told me to take my pants off. O.K., now this was getting weird, but strangely, I did it. She sat back down, and told me to lie over her lap. I still don't know why I did it. She let me keep my underwear on, but I was still very embarrassed for, oh, about 30 seconds. She started spanking me, and I was surprised at how much it hurt! I also expected it to be over quickly. No such luck! She was very thorough. But, more than that, after, the spanking, she gave me a lecture like I had never had before. She made it clear that she wouldn't put up with irresponsibility.
Believe me, for once in my life, I thought about the consequences of my actions before making rash decisions. She continued to spank me as needed during the next two years. Without a doubt, her influence made a very positive difference in my life.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So I'm due for my next session, or so my disciplinarian says :) I feel ambivalent about it. Seeing mydisciplinarian in person is great for the conversation we share, but the actual spanking-ouch!!! After my first session, I had bruises for a week. Now, I tend to bruise easily, but that first session was a little more than I expected. Now, at least I know what I'm trying to avoid. That first session did do a lot for my ability to monitor my behavior. Even my husband has made remarks about my changed nature. Disciplinary spankings are NOT fun in any way.

I am starting to understand that spanking can be a part of two worlds though. While I want to avoid a punishment spanking, I'm growing to really want spanking to be a part of the erotic side of my life. My husband is really enjoying the fringe benefits of my interest in spanking. So far, we haven't gotten round to him spanking me yet, but I am hopeful for the future. A few months ago, I could not have imagined that I would ever be able to share my love of spanking with my husband. Now, I can see it being a part of both our lives. Who knows, maybe his inner spanko will emerge!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

So, I want a spanking-bad! Unfortunately, vanilla husband is sick right now. I think he is willing to try to spank me when he feels better. I've had an offer recently from a man who lives near my hometown. I'll be there next week because of Thanksgiving. I'll admit, I'm really tempted. But, I have avoided a spanking from a man other than my husband because I know he wouldn't be comfortable with that. But, that's hard for me. I do not have any desire for anyone other than my husband, but I NEED a spanking. What's a girl to do?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

relationships and discipline

So I am finding that my relationships with significant people are being very affected by my foray into adult discipline. Certain ones were part of the deal from the beginning. In fact, one of the reasons that I finally admitted that I need a good spanking as an adult is the childish and selfish behavior I had been displaying to my own wonderful husband and sweet daughter. Finding a disciplinarian who would help me become the wife and mother I knew I wanted to be was foremost in my mind at the start of this spanking journey. Thankfully, I found the perfect one! She understood the need to be absolved of past sins and to grow as a stronger person. And grow I have!

Recently, I am also finding that spanking for play and even as a turn on is beginning to become a factor in my relationship with my husband. I am grateful that my mostly vanilla husband accepts this quirk of mine. What I hope is that one day he will share it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

This foray into the spanking world has come as a surprise to me in many ways. First, I never thought I would really have the wherewithal to actually seek out and participate in such a hidden world. Perhaps even more surprising to me though, is how much I have enjoyed throwing off my vanilla ways and embracing a lifestyle that seems meant for me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

New to the Adult Discipline World

I've just started this journey that I've really been on all my life. O.K., I know that doesn't seem to make sense. I guess I should say I've finally acknowledged that journey. It's not mainstream and still seems a little naughty to me, but, it is finally part of my life-adult discipline, that is.

This summer, it finally hit home that I had been seeking corporal discipline almost all my life. My family life, growing up, was normal and boring for the most part. My parents did not spank or provide other discipline very much either. I remember feeling lost without guidance as a child. Luckily for me, I met someone in college who helped me get on the discipline track before I completely messed up my life. I will always be grateful to this person.

I am now a happily married woman with a child. My husband, bless him, is somewhat open to my needs. He supports my disciplinary relationship which seems miraculous to me. I am hoping that , over time, he and I will develop more of a domestic discipline relationship. But for now, I am going elsewhere, with his blessing.

So recently, I've entered into a discipline relationship with another person. I'll say that it has seemed both slow and remarkably fast at the same time. In fact, the surreal feelings are almost always there. Because this has been a need for so long, I think I almost don't believe it myself that I have finally found a way and a person to meet this need.

Since I've only been in one session, I don't feel that I know that much yet. I am finding that, for me, the emails, IM's and discussions mean as much to me as the spanking. Of course, I've only had one adult spanking in the last 20 years, so it will probably come to mean much more. Certainly, I think more about what I do and say before I just impulsively make decisions now. And that much has changed in only a few months.

So, my first session was much different than I expected in some ways. Like all new spankees, probably, I spent time in the days before in fear and nervousness, anticipating something that seemed almost out of the realm of reality. It is hard not to build something up too much in your mind especially if you don't know what to expect. On the appointed day, I arrived and we spent quite a while talking, about family, the past and my issues. (On a side note, I am beginning to hate the word "issues." It makes me feel like I am somehow defective.) After our discussion, it was time. Believe me, anxiety doesn't even begin to touch what I felt at the moment. I was really hoping I wouldn't throw up. But, there was also a sense of calm and peace. I can't really explain it because it seemed to be internal. While I was simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this moment, I was sure that I was doing the right thing.

In the room, with pants off and standing in the corner, I wouldn't have been at all surprised if music from the "Twilight Zone" started suddenly playing. That was how I felt-completely unreal. At this point I still didn't know what to expect. Soon, however, I heard a quiet voice ask me to turn around and come over. She was sitting in a straight-backed chair that most spankers are oh so familiar with. Since positions had not been discussed, I was a little surprised. In a matter of seconds, I was over her lap with head and hair hanging down, supporting myself precariously with my hands. The vulnerability of the position amazed me. Thankfully, she started slowly and rather light. That didn't last long, however! By the time I was let up to move into another position, I fully remembered what a good spanking felt like! I was then placed face-down on a bed with pillows under my hips. Once again, the vulnerability surprised me since I was not restrained in any way. This time, the spanking was in earnest. I really don't know all the implements that were used, but there were several. Somewhere in the middle of this spanking, I think I found out what sub-space was. For a time, I did feel like I was not really there. It was a strange and yet very peaceful feeling. What a stress reliever! Finally, I was allowed to get up and told to go back to the corner. Subspace abruptly ended. All I could think about in the corner was why I was being spanked and how much my bottom hurt. By this time I was hoping we were done. No such luck! I was called out of the corner, and this time told to bend over a raised table. It was cushioned, so that part wasn't uncomfortable. The rest of it was, though. I was already really sore. This part was somewhat scary because I worried if I could take any more. Well, I found out quickly that I could. This time, I know a strap and a cane were used. In fact, the session ended with the cane. I was not expecting that. Since I was a newbie, I kind of expected to be treated more lightly. It was not to be. When it was over, she left the room, so I could get dressed. I spent a few moments in silence focusing on the pain in my rear. That pain actually helped me to relinquish long held feelings of guilt, and to feel that I could start over now. Cleansing would be the best word I could use to describe the experience at the end. Am I glad I finally sought what I had been looking for? You bet! This is one journey that will continue.