Holidays are hard on everyone it seems, and this year, the holidays were very hard on my backside! Stress tends to cause me to fly off the handle at anyone around. And, lately, the person who's been around the most has been Bo. He doesn't take kindly to my witchy ways anymore, and, as i found out, holidays are no exception.

Christmas Day was wonderful overall. Our daughter loved her gifts, we talked to family and friends, and capped the night off at the movies. But I had been surpressing the angst of the holiday preparations and finally just had a meltdown after our daughter was in bed. I had so many things on my mind and just couldn't get them out in a respectful manner. So, out came the paddle. And down came my pajama pants. Bo almost always spanks OTK as he did this time. We were in the living room to be away from our daughter's room. The sofa is great for sitting on, but upended with my head almost touching the floor, I was wishing we were snuggling instead. My feet were cold, but soon my butt was very warm. That paddle causes a fierce sting and a bit of a thud as well.

Honestly, I was not only resigned to what was happening, but I was glad. Yes, glad. Bo was continuing to be consistent, even on holidays, and I knew I had been wrong. I need the accountability and the released guilt afterward. We did end up cuddling on the sofa a little later, and ,once again, DD helped bring peace back to our home.

Consistency

Happy Holidays everyone!

Recently, I posted on a message board a question about a gift for Christmas to celebrate our first year as a DD couple. There were several suggestions, many hilarious. I'm still working on Bo's gift, but he has already given me mine. No, it wasn't wrapped, and he probably doesn't know how much I cherish it. He's given me the gift of consistency.

In the earlier days of DD, we both struggled with who should do what and when. It almost seemed like we were playing a game at first. Over the last few months, that has morphed in to an understanding of what domestic discipline is for us. First of all, I asked for it because of my need for accountability and my anger issues. Those were affecting my family in a very negative way. Soon after we started DD, we both saw major benefits, not just for us as individuals, but for us as a family. Now, when Bo has that look and the paddle comes out, I know he means it. He's not likely to back down, forget or claim he's too tired. We both know that consistency is keeping our family running smoothly. Who could ask for a better gift?

reminders

No, it's not what you think!

I have to keep reminding myself that DD is not an exact science. Sometimes, Bo and I are on the same page with DD, and sometimes we aren't. And then there are those in-between times, like now. For various reasons, DD just isn't happening right now. We've all been sick and slightly cranky (o.k., very cranky!), so I'm getting a pass for being disrespectful. But, this is where DD gets tricky. Although I really have come to dread the actual spanking, I know that it works for us. At times, I want nothing more than to get out of a spanking, but, almost inevitably, those free passes catch up with me!

It's hard to explain to those who aren't wired this way, but getting out of trouble, especially a punishment spanking, can make me feel out of sorts. At first, there is a general sense of relief, but, soon after, I usually end up feeling upset. All sorts of things go through my mind...is Bo tired of DD? Is he fed up with me in general? Does he just not think DD is important to our relationship any more? Eventually, we will have time to talk and sort out these feelings. But these times of waiting are just hard.

Bo and I had a real breakthrough a few nights ago. I was upset with myself for yelling at my daughter and just in general being a not so nice person to my family. Bo warned me that we would discuss it later, but, usually, if he isn't able to take care of it right away, he would forget later on. And, although I could remind him of it, I really didn't want to have to. It felt like he had no real role in DD other than swinging the implement. So, this night, I sort of assumed would be like the others. Our daughter went to sleep surprisingly early, Bo was reading in the bedroom, and I was on the computer. I decided to go say goodnight to Bo, and he kissed me and said, with a very serious voice, "You need a spanking." He even told me to go get our new implement, a scraper, courtesy of a friend. I still wasn't sure he would go through with it, but he just reminded me of why he was spanking, pulled me over his lap and got on with it. That scraper was a lot heavier than I thought it would be and left a sting as well as a thuddy feeling. While I wasn't thrilled with being spanked, even though I knew I deserved it, I was really happy that Bo not only remembered, but followed through. Little by little, we are growing in our DD relationship, and we both feel more secure and less unsure about where to go from here. I'm so proud of him!

Ups and Downs

I got a spanking a couple of nights ago because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. Bo was really angry, but because our daughter was still up, he was forced to wait a while. Usually, that curbs most of his anger. He'll still spank, but we talk it out and everything is good again. This time, he was still really angry, and this was one of the hardest spankings he's done. Now. that's not the problem. I fully admit that I was being a real witch that night. If he hadn't spanked, I would have worried that he was ready to give up DD altogether. But, there was a problem...we didn't reconnect that night. For the first time, I felt alone and sad after a spanking. His anger was not gone either. There was no "I forgive you." It wasn't the first time I had wondered if DD was really going to work for us.

And then a new day dawned. And a new me and a new Bo. No, we didn't immediately talk things out. Things were still uneasy between us all night. But, in the morning, we were ready to talk, to listen, to forgive. Real domestic discipline isn't like a story. Sometimes, it's ugly, and difficult and scary. But, we have a real marriage now. We do take care of issues, get them out of the way, talk more and love each other for who we are. Finally, DD seems like a very real part of our lives.

I've been thinking about how glad I am to have a husband who is willing to be the head of our household. There is a sense of order and calm around our house that did not exist for most of our marriage. Our daughter has noticed it too. Like most kids, she really wants a sense of order and boundaries. Perhaps it seems strange, but we do not use spanking as discipline for our daughter. She responds well to time outs and limits on her computer and t.v. time. And now, she knows we will be consistent with her limits and boundaries.

In the early years of our marriage, I was the one who ran the show in our house. And I was miserable, and so was Bo and so was our daughter. I really didn't want the responsibility of being in charge of everything. For a long time, I felt like our family would collapse if I didn't handle it all. DD has helped us all see that we are all needed in the family. We all have roles and responsibilities. Now, when my stress level gets high, and I start back into the "take control" mode, Bo has an effective tool to help me deal with the pressures of life. I can't say that I enjoy the punishment part of DD, but I'm so glad we have the life we do now. No way do I want to be totally in control ever again!

Well, I found out what the loopy Johnny is like. I hate that thing! In fact, right now, it's hidden in a cabinet.

Last weekend, my attitude really got me in trouble. Bo decided it would be the perfect time to try our new implement. Since it was going to be a punishment spanking, I didn't want to try it. Bo was careful with it, but, boy, does that thing sting. For the first time during a spanking, I jumped off Bo's lap. I really didn't think I could handle that thing! We did finish the spanking, and Bo was not using much force at all, but I would be very happy if our new "toy" disappeared forever! Bo thinks it is the perfect implement for punishments because it is so obvious that I hate it. So, it's probably here to stay. I'll definitely think twice about buying a new implement in the future.