It's been quite a while since I've written anything. Bo and I have settled into our DD lifestyle pretty quickly, so much so, that I am still amazed that it is going so well in most respects. I even got up the nerve to order our first implement, a loopy john. Now, I'm wondering if that was a mistake! We do need a quiet implement though with a little one in the house.

Lately, I've been wondering how "normal" our style of DD is. We don't plan out punishments days in advance. In fact, when I earn a punishment, it is usually dealt with very quickly. Bo does not like a disrespectful attitude, and that is, by far, my biggest problem. If the little one is outside or not around, Bo will take me in the bedroom, yank those pants down and have at it. Sometimes, I barely have a moment to realize what is happening. And, that can be frightening. I wish, sometimes, that I could prepare for a punishment. I will have to say, though, that the grab and spank has been pretty effective in curtailing my disrespect!

Feeling secure

It seems the lately, I had been so ambivalent about DD. I had reached a place where I honestly wasn't sure that i wanted Bo to be the HOH in our relationship. I mean, what about times when i disagreed with his decisions? Yes, I think I was naive about DD at first. Because I had been used to controlling our relationship through tantrums and manipulations, I unconsciously assumed that I could control DD that way, too. I say unconsciously, because I didn't think that far ahead when I first brought domestic discipline up to Bo. After the initial shock that he accepted DD in our marriage, the hard part began. Bo actually began to act like a HOH! He was taking DD and his role as the leader of our family wayyyy too seriously for my liking! Now, it's not that i thought of DD as a game, but I guess because it was my idea, I sort of assumed I would be the one to run the show. Yes, I know that is contrary to the idea of DD and following your husband as the head of the household. I guess it took a while for me to understand that there are things in DD that aren't negotiable, and our family is better off because of this!

The first time I got a spanking that I really didn't want is a vivid memory and will probably remain so. In the first few months, I was thrilled anytime Bo agreed to spank me. It seemed like our DD relationship was taking such a long time to get into. Well, about 6 weeks ago, Bo made it clear that he would spank when he thought it necessary, even if I wasn't in the mood, so to speak. I had been irritable and disrespectful that day. He definitely had reason to spank, but I just fought it. Bo, to his credit, didn't give in. He held me down and delivered a few swats until I calmed down enough so we could talk. At the end, I accepted a spanking from him because I knew i had been wrong. It was such a breakthrough to realize that even when I made DD difficult that Bo wasn't going to back down. We're in it for the long haul, and I feel so blessed!

Trouble?

Well, I finally had enough and let my temper get the best of me in an argument with Bo. I still don't get how he can be so calm and cool while we are arguing, and I get louder and harsher by the minute. it only took a couple of misplaced and disrespectful comments for Bo to proclaim, "just wait until tonight"!

Luckily, the argument blew over fairly quickly, and we are all lovey-dovey again. In the recent past, that would be the end of it. Bo has so often said that he has to be a little mad at me to punish. Well, things may be a-changin'! He has assured me that I am still going to be punished because he loves me and it is for my own good. Wow! I'm not sure I ever thought I would hear those words come from his mouth. Nothing has happened yet because our sweetie is still awake, but I really do feel that this time, he means it!

Stress Relief

I haven't had the nerve yet to ask Bo for a stress relief spanking although I've wanted to quite a few times. The next two weeks promise to be very stressful as I have a major project deadline coming up. And, being the person that I am, procrastination is biting me in the ass. Now would be the perfect time to ask for a pre-emptive strike (pun intended :) But Bo has only recently become comfortable enough with punishment/reminder spankings. He has admitted that he has a hard time spanking if he isn't at least a little mad at me. And. I'm not sure he would "get" how a spanking would help me relieve stress.

So, I am wondering if it would be more stressful than helpful to try to discuss this with Bo right now. My motivation is in low gear right now, and I think a stress reliever would get me out of my funk and in to some serious work. I guess I will take it day by day to see how crazy I get in the next few days. Bo may just get mad enough to be more than willing to help me relieve my (and his) stress!

Go Forth!

Because we are still so new at this DD thing, I tend to get worried about whether we are doing things "right," or if we are still on track. And every time the anxiety kicks it up a notch, Bo and I end up closer than ever.

This weekend, I had been feeling just blah. There really wasn't anything I could point to that would explain why I was feeling this way. I tried talking to Bo about it, but my inner witch came out quickly; things went south in a hurry. I really do wish I had the ability to self-edit, but me, not so much :( So, Bo, in his wisdom, goes to our implement drawer and brings back the flyswatter. Now, this probably doesn't sound like much of an implement to seasoned DD veterans, but this flyswatter is thick and heavy. And boy does it pack a wallop! For the first time, I was reaching around trying to cover my rear end. Bo has been so skittish about leaving marks, but this weekend, it seems he has gotten over that. At one point, he stopped spanking, and I tried to get up. He just said, "Uh uh, I'm not done yet." Shocked doesn't even begin to describe what I was thinking at the moment! So, I did end up with a few marks that were gone by today. We have moved forward in our journey, and I think we both feel more confident about DD with each step we take :)

So worth it!

I can certainly answer my own question about DD now. After a few weeks of avoiding the issue, I became sort of ambivalent about DD. Bo had been so good about listening to me, and then he seemed to get busy and not really have time for DD discussions, much less spanking, anymore.I'll admit that I took this personally, like he was rejecting not only Dd but me as well. In my heart, I knew I didn't want us to give up on domestic discipline, but how could I force something on another person??

And then, the breakthrough happened :) Let's just say that I was not controlling my emotions well, and basically had a temper tantrum that any 2 year old would be proud of. That's when Bo proved to me that he really was on board with DD. In one afternoon, I got two spankings, the first of which I really fought. I did have thoughts going through my mind about how he wasn't going to do this to me, I had a right to be angry, etc. In the end (hee, hee), after we discussed my behavior, I admitted how much I needed for him to be the strong one, the leader, for me. I'm so thankful that he pushed through spanking me even when I was fighting it. Later that evening, we had the best discussion about DD that we have ever had. I know we are on the same team again, and that I will be held accountable for my actions.

Life doesn't get much better than this!

Wondering

I never realized that there are so many things to think about when trying to work on a DD relationship. Is he still o.k. with DD? Do I really want this? How much work does this really take? And, finally, the ultimate question-Is DD worth it? So far, without a doubt, it has been worth it. The alternative is to go back to the wayt things were before, and that is just not an option.