Saturday, July 18, 2009

Feeling secure

It seems the lately, I had been so ambivalent about DD. I had reached a place where I honestly wasn't sure that i wanted Bo to be the HOH in our relationship. I mean, what about times when i disagreed with his decisions? Yes, I think I was naive about DD at first. Because I had been used to controlling our relationship through tantrums and manipulations, I unconsciously assumed that I could control DD that way, too. I say unconsciously, because I didn't think that far ahead when I first brought domestic discipline up to Bo. After the initial shock that he accepted DD in our marriage, the hard part began. Bo actually began to act like a HOH! He was taking DD and his role as the leader of our family wayyyy too seriously for my liking! Now, it's not that i thought of DD as a game, but I guess because it was my idea, I sort of assumed I would be the one to run the show. Yes, I know that is contrary to the idea of DD and following your husband as the head of the household. I guess it took a while for me to understand that there are things in DD that aren't negotiable, and our family is better off because of this!

The first time I got a spanking that I really didn't want is a vivid memory and will probably remain so. In the first few months, I was thrilled anytime Bo agreed to spank me. It seemed like our DD relationship was taking such a long time to get into. Well, about 6 weeks ago, Bo made it clear that he would spank when he thought it necessary, even if I wasn't in the mood, so to speak. I had been irritable and disrespectful that day. He definitely had reason to spank, but I just fought it. Bo, to his credit, didn't give in. He held me down and delivered a few swats until I calmed down enough so we could talk. At the end, I accepted a spanking from him because I knew i had been wrong. It was such a breakthrough to realize that even when I made DD difficult that Bo wasn't going to back down. We're in it for the long haul, and I feel so blessed!