reminders

No, it's not what you think!

I have to keep reminding myself that DD is not an exact science. Sometimes, Bo and I are on the same page with DD, and sometimes we aren't. And then there are those in-between times, like now. For various reasons, DD just isn't happening right now. We've all been sick and slightly cranky (o.k., very cranky!), so I'm getting a pass for being disrespectful. But, this is where DD gets tricky. Although I really have come to dread the actual spanking, I know that it works for us. At times, I want nothing more than to get out of a spanking, but, almost inevitably, those free passes catch up with me!

It's hard to explain to those who aren't wired this way, but getting out of trouble, especially a punishment spanking, can make me feel out of sorts. At first, there is a general sense of relief, but, soon after, I usually end up feeling upset. All sorts of things go through my mind...is Bo tired of DD? Is he fed up with me in general? Does he just not think DD is important to our relationship any more? Eventually, we will have time to talk and sort out these feelings. But these times of waiting are just hard.

Bo and I had a real breakthrough a few nights ago. I was upset with myself for yelling at my daughter and just in general being a not so nice person to my family. Bo warned me that we would discuss it later, but, usually, if he isn't able to take care of it right away, he would forget later on. And, although I could remind him of it, I really didn't want to have to. It felt like he had no real role in DD other than swinging the implement. So, this night, I sort of assumed would be like the others. Our daughter went to sleep surprisingly early, Bo was reading in the bedroom, and I was on the computer. I decided to go say goodnight to Bo, and he kissed me and said, with a very serious voice, "You need a spanking." He even told me to go get our new implement, a scraper, courtesy of a friend. I still wasn't sure he would go through with it, but he just reminded me of why he was spanking, pulled me over his lap and got on with it. That scraper was a lot heavier than I thought it would be and left a sting as well as a thuddy feeling. While I wasn't thrilled with being spanked, even though I knew I deserved it, I was really happy that Bo not only remembered, but followed through. Little by little, we are growing in our DD relationship, and we both feel more secure and less unsure about where to go from here. I'm so proud of him!

Ups and Downs

I got a spanking a couple of nights ago because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. Bo was really angry, but because our daughter was still up, he was forced to wait a while. Usually, that curbs most of his anger. He'll still spank, but we talk it out and everything is good again. This time, he was still really angry, and this was one of the hardest spankings he's done. Now. that's not the problem. I fully admit that I was being a real witch that night. If he hadn't spanked, I would have worried that he was ready to give up DD altogether. But, there was a problem...we didn't reconnect that night. For the first time, I felt alone and sad after a spanking. His anger was not gone either. There was no "I forgive you." It wasn't the first time I had wondered if DD was really going to work for us.

And then a new day dawned. And a new me and a new Bo. No, we didn't immediately talk things out. Things were still uneasy between us all night. But, in the morning, we were ready to talk, to listen, to forgive. Real domestic discipline isn't like a story. Sometimes, it's ugly, and difficult and scary. But, we have a real marriage now. We do take care of issues, get them out of the way, talk more and love each other for who we are. Finally, DD seems like a very real part of our lives.

I've been thinking about how glad I am to have a husband who is willing to be the head of our household. There is a sense of order and calm around our house that did not exist for most of our marriage. Our daughter has noticed it too. Like most kids, she really wants a sense of order and boundaries. Perhaps it seems strange, but we do not use spanking as discipline for our daughter. She responds well to time outs and limits on her computer and t.v. time. And now, she knows we will be consistent with her limits and boundaries.

In the early years of our marriage, I was the one who ran the show in our house. And I was miserable, and so was Bo and so was our daughter. I really didn't want the responsibility of being in charge of everything. For a long time, I felt like our family would collapse if I didn't handle it all. DD has helped us all see that we are all needed in the family. We all have roles and responsibilities. Now, when my stress level gets high, and I start back into the "take control" mode, Bo has an effective tool to help me deal with the pressures of life. I can't say that I enjoy the punishment part of DD, but I'm so glad we have the life we do now. No way do I want to be totally in control ever again!

Well, I found out what the loopy Johnny is like. I hate that thing! In fact, right now, it's hidden in a cabinet.

Last weekend, my attitude really got me in trouble. Bo decided it would be the perfect time to try our new implement. Since it was going to be a punishment spanking, I didn't want to try it. Bo was careful with it, but, boy, does that thing sting. For the first time during a spanking, I jumped off Bo's lap. I really didn't think I could handle that thing! We did finish the spanking, and Bo was not using much force at all, but I would be very happy if our new "toy" disappeared forever! Bo thinks it is the perfect implement for punishments because it is so obvious that I hate it. So, it's probably here to stay. I'll definitely think twice about buying a new implement in the future.

It's been quite a while since I've written anything. Bo and I have settled into our DD lifestyle pretty quickly, so much so, that I am still amazed that it is going so well in most respects. I even got up the nerve to order our first implement, a loopy john. Now, I'm wondering if that was a mistake! We do need a quiet implement though with a little one in the house.

Lately, I've been wondering how "normal" our style of DD is. We don't plan out punishments days in advance. In fact, when I earn a punishment, it is usually dealt with very quickly. Bo does not like a disrespectful attitude, and that is, by far, my biggest problem. If the little one is outside or not around, Bo will take me in the bedroom, yank those pants down and have at it. Sometimes, I barely have a moment to realize what is happening. And, that can be frightening. I wish, sometimes, that I could prepare for a punishment. I will have to say, though, that the grab and spank has been pretty effective in curtailing my disrespect!

Feeling secure

It seems the lately, I had been so ambivalent about DD. I had reached a place where I honestly wasn't sure that i wanted Bo to be the HOH in our relationship. I mean, what about times when i disagreed with his decisions? Yes, I think I was naive about DD at first. Because I had been used to controlling our relationship through tantrums and manipulations, I unconsciously assumed that I could control DD that way, too. I say unconsciously, because I didn't think that far ahead when I first brought domestic discipline up to Bo. After the initial shock that he accepted DD in our marriage, the hard part began. Bo actually began to act like a HOH! He was taking DD and his role as the leader of our family wayyyy too seriously for my liking! Now, it's not that i thought of DD as a game, but I guess because it was my idea, I sort of assumed I would be the one to run the show. Yes, I know that is contrary to the idea of DD and following your husband as the head of the household. I guess it took a while for me to understand that there are things in DD that aren't negotiable, and our family is better off because of this!

The first time I got a spanking that I really didn't want is a vivid memory and will probably remain so. In the first few months, I was thrilled anytime Bo agreed to spank me. It seemed like our DD relationship was taking such a long time to get into. Well, about 6 weeks ago, Bo made it clear that he would spank when he thought it necessary, even if I wasn't in the mood, so to speak. I had been irritable and disrespectful that day. He definitely had reason to spank, but I just fought it. Bo, to his credit, didn't give in. He held me down and delivered a few swats until I calmed down enough so we could talk. At the end, I accepted a spanking from him because I knew i had been wrong. It was such a breakthrough to realize that even when I made DD difficult that Bo wasn't going to back down. We're in it for the long haul, and I feel so blessed!