Ups and Downs

I got a spanking a couple of nights ago because I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. Bo was really angry, but because our daughter was still up, he was forced to wait a while. Usually, that curbs most of his anger. He'll still spank, but we talk it out and everything is good again. This time, he was still really angry, and this was one of the hardest spankings he's done. Now. that's not the problem. I fully admit that I was being a real witch that night. If he hadn't spanked, I would have worried that he was ready to give up DD altogether. But, there was a problem...we didn't reconnect that night. For the first time, I felt alone and sad after a spanking. His anger was not gone either. There was no "I forgive you." It wasn't the first time I had wondered if DD was really going to work for us.

And then a new day dawned. And a new me and a new Bo. No, we didn't immediately talk things out. Things were still uneasy between us all night. But, in the morning, we were ready to talk, to listen, to forgive. Real domestic discipline isn't like a story. Sometimes, it's ugly, and difficult and scary. But, we have a real marriage now. We do take care of issues, get them out of the way, talk more and love each other for who we are. Finally, DD seems like a very real part of our lives.

I've been thinking about how glad I am to have a husband who is willing to be the head of our household. There is a sense of order and calm around our house that did not exist for most of our marriage. Our daughter has noticed it too. Like most kids, she really wants a sense of order and boundaries. Perhaps it seems strange, but we do not use spanking as discipline for our daughter. She responds well to time outs and limits on her computer and t.v. time. And now, she knows we will be consistent with her limits and boundaries.

In the early years of our marriage, I was the one who ran the show in our house. And I was miserable, and so was Bo and so was our daughter. I really didn't want the responsibility of being in charge of everything. For a long time, I felt like our family would collapse if I didn't handle it all. DD has helped us all see that we are all needed in the family. We all have roles and responsibilities. Now, when my stress level gets high, and I start back into the "take control" mode, Bo has an effective tool to help me deal with the pressures of life. I can't say that I enjoy the punishment part of DD, but I'm so glad we have the life we do now. No way do I want to be totally in control ever again!

Well, I found out what the loopy Johnny is like. I hate that thing! In fact, right now, it's hidden in a cabinet.

Last weekend, my attitude really got me in trouble. Bo decided it would be the perfect time to try our new implement. Since it was going to be a punishment spanking, I didn't want to try it. Bo was careful with it, but, boy, does that thing sting. For the first time during a spanking, I jumped off Bo's lap. I really didn't think I could handle that thing! We did finish the spanking, and Bo was not using much force at all, but I would be very happy if our new "toy" disappeared forever! Bo thinks it is the perfect implement for punishments because it is so obvious that I hate it. So, it's probably here to stay. I'll definitely think twice about buying a new implement in the future.

It's been quite a while since I've written anything. Bo and I have settled into our DD lifestyle pretty quickly, so much so, that I am still amazed that it is going so well in most respects. I even got up the nerve to order our first implement, a loopy john. Now, I'm wondering if that was a mistake! We do need a quiet implement though with a little one in the house.

Lately, I've been wondering how "normal" our style of DD is. We don't plan out punishments days in advance. In fact, when I earn a punishment, it is usually dealt with very quickly. Bo does not like a disrespectful attitude, and that is, by far, my biggest problem. If the little one is outside or not around, Bo will take me in the bedroom, yank those pants down and have at it. Sometimes, I barely have a moment to realize what is happening. And, that can be frightening. I wish, sometimes, that I could prepare for a punishment. I will have to say, though, that the grab and spank has been pretty effective in curtailing my disrespect!