reminders

No, it's not what you think!

I have to keep reminding myself that DD is not an exact science. Sometimes, Bo and I are on the same page with DD, and sometimes we aren't. And then there are those in-between times, like now. For various reasons, DD just isn't happening right now. We've all been sick and slightly cranky (o.k., very cranky!), so I'm getting a pass for being disrespectful. But, this is where DD gets tricky. Although I really have come to dread the actual spanking, I know that it works for us. At times, I want nothing more than to get out of a spanking, but, almost inevitably, those free passes catch up with me!

It's hard to explain to those who aren't wired this way, but getting out of trouble, especially a punishment spanking, can make me feel out of sorts. At first, there is a general sense of relief, but, soon after, I usually end up feeling upset. All sorts of things go through my mind...is Bo tired of DD? Is he fed up with me in general? Does he just not think DD is important to our relationship any more? Eventually, we will have time to talk and sort out these feelings. But these times of waiting are just hard.

Bo and I had a real breakthrough a few nights ago. I was upset with myself for yelling at my daughter and just in general being a not so nice person to my family. Bo warned me that we would discuss it later, but, usually, if he isn't able to take care of it right away, he would forget later on. And, although I could remind him of it, I really didn't want to have to. It felt like he had no real role in DD other than swinging the implement. So, this night, I sort of assumed would be like the others. Our daughter went to sleep surprisingly early, Bo was reading in the bedroom, and I was on the computer. I decided to go say goodnight to Bo, and he kissed me and said, with a very serious voice, "You need a spanking." He even told me to go get our new implement, a scraper, courtesy of a friend. I still wasn't sure he would go through with it, but he just reminded me of why he was spanking, pulled me over his lap and got on with it. That scraper was a lot heavier than I thought it would be and left a sting as well as a thuddy feeling. While I wasn't thrilled with being spanked, even though I knew I deserved it, I was really happy that Bo not only remembered, but followed through. Little by little, we are growing in our DD relationship, and we both feel more secure and less unsure about where to go from here. I'm so proud of him!