Emotions

The beginnings of our DD lifestyle have been full of emotions for both my husband and I. Now that it is something that we do more than talk about, the changes are becoming more evident. But, change is hard and usually requires quite a bit of time. As someone who isn't an overly patient person, I have already found myself trying to move three steps ahead on our DD journey. Impatience and frustration are emotions I am well acquainted with. I know I am going to have to work hard at allowing DD to grow in our marriage.

With all this talk of impatience, you would think ambivalence, doubt, and uncertainty would not be emotions that surface often, but I have been surprised at how precarious our DD relationship seems sometimes. When I'm truly angry, I want to resort back to my old way of "handling" things which obviously didn't work well. But I know how to do that; it's safe. And although I brought the idea of this lifestyle to my husband, I still fight the changes. How weird is that?

I haven't really gotten to discuss in detail how Bo feels about DD so far. We talk and even make jokes about it. It has become more comfortable for both of us. But, deep down, I am sure there are many emotions that stir around in Dh's heart and mind as well.

Emotions are at the heart of who we are. For me, the difficult emotions associated with DD, no matter how hard they are to deal with at the time, are so worth it when Bo and I can both truthfully say that we are closer than ever.

Finally!

I've not done any of the wonderful meme's I've seen on several blogs, but I really liked this one. I found it on Hermione's Heart. Thanks for posting it!

1. What curse word do you use the most? - I would say the damn is the most common curse word I use. It just tends to slip out without me having to even think about it.

.2. Do you own an ipod? no, but now that I've taken up jogging, I really want one!

No3. What person on your f-list do you talk to the most? - What's an f-list? Is that related to question #1? I just kept Hermione's answer here. I have no idea what an "F" list is-I;m guessing maybe "family?"

4. What time is your alarm clock set to? - Six a.m.

5. Do you still remember the first person you kissed? - Yes, it was a person that I didn't know very well, but we had had a nice date.

Do you remember where you were on September 11th, 2001? -I was teaching. Several of the teachers and I watched it on the t.v. in the teacher's lounge.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? - Take it, no doubt!

8. What was the last movie you watched? - Race to Witch Mountain with my husband and daughter. It ws good, but I like the original better.

9. Do any of your friends have children? - Yes

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy? - Yes, my father used to think I was lazy. He never really understood women though.

. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? - I;ve used Ambien before, but I think I would get hooked pretty quickly.

. What CD is currently in your CD player? - Unfortunately, Hannah Montana-my daughter just loves her!

. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? - chocolate

14 . Has anyone told you a secret this week? - Yes, my mom.

15. When was the last time you had Starbucks? - A few weeks ago, but it wasn't coffee, it was tea.

16 . Can you whistle? - no

17. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? - eyes and voice

18. What are you looking forward to? - Spring Break!

.19. Did you watch cartoons as a child? - Yes

20. Do you own any band t-shirts? - no

21. What will you be doing in one hour? - Hopefully, sleeping

22. Is anyone in love with you? - I hope my husband is

23. What was the last song you heard? - "Best of Both Worlds"

24. Last time you cried? - yesterday

25. Desktop computer or a laptop? - Desktop and laptop

26. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? - No

27. What's the weather like? - cool and rainy

28. Would you ever date a girl/guy covered in tattoos? - No

29. What did you do before this? - ate lunch)

30. When is the last time you slept on the floor? - I don't remember

.31. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? - 6-7

32 . Do you eat breakfast daily? - sometimes

33. Are your days fast-paced? - frequently, yes

.34. What did you do last night? - Watched t.v. with my husband

35. Do you use sarcasm? - Hell, yes!

36. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? - 43

37. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? - very much so

38. Have you ever been to Six Flags? - many times

39. Do you get along better with the same sex or the opposite sex? - Both equally. It really depends on the individual.

40. Do you like mustard? - Yes, honey dijon, and most other kinds

.41. Do you sleep on your side? - Yes, part of the time

42. Do you watch the news? - sometimes

42. How did you get one of your scars? -I fell on a cactus

.44. Who was the last person to make you mad? - My husband, but it wasn't a big deal.

. Please feel free to enjoy this meme on your blog.

Well, I finally get to post that we've done it. Our first spanking that is. My husband and I practiced (for lack of a better word) last night. Since it was our first time, he was not nearly as heavy-handed as I think he may be in the future. I expected the whole thing to be awkward and embarrassing for us both, but it wasn't. He did lecture, and he had truly been angry at me for a couple of things this week. Afterward, we talked about it. Amazingly, he seems entirely too comfortable with his role as a spanker already. Sometimes that old adage, "You better be careful what you wish for" can be all too true! But it was a wonderful bonding time for us. I would say that our D/D relationship is of to a great start!

I was thinking about my last post. I guess, technically, DH and I have had a first spanking, but not a punishment one. But I might be less than 24 hours away from that first one. Tomorrow, our child has a sleepover. A whole evening for us! And, I've already made a date with DH. He knows that I want to spend more time talking about our beginning D/D relationship. But the way he has been acting the last few days, I have a feeling that talking won't be all that we do!

I will continue to see my outside disciplinarian while we get our D/D relationship going. BTW, I haven't mentioned this, but my disciplinarian is a she. That is the only way DH would let me do this. I'm so glad I did finally express to him that what I actually hoped for is a HOH-D/D relationship. ANd, having an outside disciplinarian has been a key step in that process. he has seen firsthand how much calmer and less stressed I am after a spanking. The problem is, she lives quite a way. I've only managed to be spanked 4 times in the last 5 months. And this is where Dh is really stepping in. He has already seen such a change in me, and I've seen him change too. He has become much more assertive and has willingly taken on more of a leadership role in our marriage. Thankfully, my current disciplinarian fully supports our new lifestyle. She's in a D/D relationship herself (as the spanker, of course). And she has been very helpful to both of us in helping us to get started.

I've said before how much I appreciate my husband for his willingness to accept me as I am and to come out of his comfort zone to provide what I need. What I hadn't counted on is just how quickly he would embrace D/D. Makes me wonder if he really was vanilla after all!
I